Yeah..i guess finally i have the answers

do you still remember this one post, two posts below this one i supposed, the one which i'm talking about M? well, hey..here's the good news. HE'S NOT INTERESTED! what did i tell you before? I'm GOOD at chasing guys away from me..remember? dah terbukti sekarang! i stalked and asked questions at his Formspring. asking whether he has a girlfriend or not, what does he mean with he's still single but not available and that I LIKE HIM. yes, i said i like him. and he said he didn't understand what i mean. like? what kind of like? i mean like duhhh can't you see?? I've been asking questions about him being single and confessed dgn muka tak malunya that i like him and boleh pulak dia kata dia tak faham??! aargghhh! and finally, at this one question he said that, ah bosannya...like ah so boring the same question over and over again. it's not actually the same question, i'm asking for conformation! So yeah, i get it now. you're not interested in me, so i better make my way far from your formspring and maybe your Facebook too. =(

duhhhh...siapa yang aku nak nih?? I'm like making fun of myself. i'm asking an angel from God. an ANGEL. and i'm just a beggar. it's impossible even in dreams. what the hell was i thinking when i attacked his formspring?? that he would actually like me back or at least be interested to find out who am i? (i'm being anonymous..malu weyh letak nama sendiri!) i thought he would be waiting for my question each and everyday and it turned out to be that he doesn't even care to bother! in fact, he's too lazy to answer my questions! i'm seriously ashamed. =( Stupid me! tak sedar diri! someone should actually slap my face and bring me back to reality. the bitter reality. and to make me feel more miserable, here's another thing. i asked my friend last night about my problem, of course like duhhh i would not say the person is me but the answer that i got, well disappointing. not that i didn't expect it but i hope the answer won't be that way. at least, not that one. hmm..let me share.

"owh.. saloh ke x tu x reti nk royak la.. tp dlm pemasalahan ni ad dlm bab nikah.. hk buleh kabonye.. maka hukum bernikah bg org yg berpkran mcm yg mu kabo tu jatuh kpd MAKRUH bnikah atau mungkin mmbawa kpd Haram utk bnikah.. sbb dia meras...a dirinya tidak mampu utk sbuah pernikahan.. tidak mampu tuk berumahtangge.. die rase x mampu utk bergelar sbg suami/isteri.. kalau kawin.. 6t kene cerai/mencerai.. jadi.. baiklah x payah kawin awal2.. jika tkot akn menzalimi pihak yg satu lagi maka HARAM bernikah.. kalau rasa diri x mampu tuk benikah.. x pyh benikah la... tu je jwpan ye.. hehe.. xpe2.. slagi bule jwb insya Allah ak cube jwb.."

can't understand much? let me do the translation. wait, don't know my problemo? check the formspring. there's this one question asked by my friend, when are you getting married and i said that i don't think i'll ever get married. and even i'm going to, i don't think it will last long.sooner or later, i'll be divorced by my husband. so what my friend up there has answered, is something like this. i can't get married because i don't believe in marriage. the hukum for me is Makruh or maybe Haram. because i feel like i'm not capable and not ready (mentally) to get married.  i don't feel like i'm capable of being a good wife, and that divorce is certain. So better for me to wait until i'm ready mentally, physically and money-ly. but if i'm afraid that i'll torture the other part (husband) psychically or mentally as if aku ni garang sangat sampai nak abuse husband kan, so better not to get married at all lah. simple and easy. no one gets hurt, no one will suffer. not him, not me. not me? hm...we'll see about that in the next 5-6 years time whether i'll be suffering or not when i see my friends getting babies and get married, okay?

so, it's Makruh for me to get married for now. maybe will be Haram sooner or later then i think i should make a list of what to do with the rest of my life. living alone doesn't mean being lonely..maybe i'll be happy. who knows right? Tata for now..i want to scribble something of what to do in the next 5 years! =)